I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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