all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
