it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
