I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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