He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Randomize
