You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
