OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
