please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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