Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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