just come out here and I will go home with you...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
