I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
