quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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