but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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