Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
