my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
