i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
