I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
