he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
