its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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