I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
