Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
