my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
