it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
