you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
