Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
