Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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