Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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