I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
