I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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