come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
