Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
