in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
