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You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He? As in you personified your dick?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
