The maid of honor just puked.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
