First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
