I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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