I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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