it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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