they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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