I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
