Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
