dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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