She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
