she was so not down for the gang bang
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
