You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My penis needs a shock collar
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
