matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
