Someone shit on the floor
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Randomize
