I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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