So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
