I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
